It was the night of that great summer storm. The night I lost power and had to sleep at my sister’s. The night when most of us stayed at the party til well after a responsible time playing Trivial Pursuit and trying not to think about the weekend ending. When we all got notifications on our phones simultaneously telling us there was a flood warning shortly after you’d left and I couldn’t help but worry about you. That night I was trying desperately not to try desperately to keep you sitting next to me. The night I remembered how much I like when you’re sitting next to me. The night I remembered so many of the things I miss about you. And so many things I don’t. That night I remembered how I’d said you were about 80% right for me and how crucial that other 20% decided to be. And how hurt I’d felt and how proud and how lucky I’d felt to be with you. And I remembered that you are the standard by which I judge all women. How that makes so little sense and how I don’t really care. How you can be right and wrong at the same time, how I can want to be with you even if I don’t want to be with you. Even if I can’t be with you. Even if I could be with you. That was the night you told me the news and I could do nothing and I could barely say anything except to try to laugh off the complicated feelings and how you knew and how you embraced me with your knowing. The night I tried so hard not to say all the things I was thinking and mostly succeeded and you accepted me in my successful failure. That night we both went to the party downtown and I couldn’t help but think and say that I wanted to walk you to your car so you’d be safe. That night you left early in the pouring rain and I worried more. That night I found myself caring more. That night of the party and the storm and the power going out. That night I drove to my sister’s and splashed along blinking street lights and unintentionally prayed that one night maybe we’d be right for each other. The night I remembered that, even if we never were, I could never forget again. The night I realized I could never not love you again.
I’m in love with this gif. Everything about it. The rain drizzling. The candle flickering. The colors. I love it.